How heavy is a glass of water? That depends on how long you have to carry it. A minute is no problem, and after an hour your arm might ache. But after 24 hours you’ll probably be in bad shape! In each instance the glass weighs exactly the same, but the longer you carry it the heavier it feels. And it’s the same with a grudge; it can get so heavy it stops you from living. People will hurt you; that’s the reality of sharing this planet with others. Sometimes it’s intentional, other times they’ve no idea they upset you, far less broken your heart. Does that mean you should go around pretending nothing’s wrong? No, the first step is to confront your feelings. And when the hurt is deep, it’s even harder to forgive. That’s when you need to pray, “Lord, change my heart and heal me.” Jesus said, “Pray for those who mistreat you” (Lk 6:28 NIV). When you do that something unexpected happens; your heart softens and you start seeing them through God’s eyes instead of your raw emotions. Jesus said, “If you have anything against someone, forgive – only then will your heavenly Father…wipe your slate clean.” When you sow unforgiveness you reap unforgiveness – even from God!
Isaac is a prime example of practicing forgiveness. During a drought he dug wells that his enemies moved in and claimed. But instead of retaliating, he moved on and dug new ones. As a result God filled Isaac’s empty wells and promised to bless him, and his children too! And He will fill the emptiness in your life, when you forgive those who have hurt you.
A little boy who’d been rude to his Mom started sneaking off upstairs. “Where you going, young man?” she asked. “To my room to talk to God,” he replied. “Isn’t there something you want to tell me first?” she said. “Nope,” he said, “You’ll just get mad. God will forgive me and forget about it.” Long after you think you’ve forgiven somebody you can still be harboring hard feelings.
Here are some clues that you’ve still got work to do: you get angry thinking about what happened; you give the offender the cold shoulder; you rehearse the incident mentally and in conversation; you seize every opportunity to remind the offender of what they did. Refusing to forgive and forget is just another way of justifying an unforgiving attitude. The Bible says there are two things God won’t share:
(1) His glory (See Isa 42:8);
(2) His right to settle old scores. He said, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay” (Ro 12:19). Don’t usurp His authority by trying to get even; take your hands off the situation and let Him work it out. When “People insulted Christ…he did not insult them in return…He let God…who judges rightly, take care of him.” A grudge shackles you to the offender, and you become the hostage! Dwelling on something your parents did, or on how an associate took credit for your work, or on what someone said about you, makes you, not them, miserable. You walk around in turmoil and they don’t even know you’re upset! Why give somebody that kind of control over your life? What’s important is what happens in you, not to you. So forgive, forget, and move on!
If you’re finding it hard to forgive yourself for something you’ve done in the past, it may be that you’re reaping what you have sown. And it’s particularly hard (but not impossible) to keep from feeling bad when you’ve condemned somebody else for doing the same thing. Here’s a scriptural truth you need to understand, accept and live by: as long as you’re alive you will have to keep forgiving – yourself and others!
When guilt and condemnation tell you your sins are too big for God’s forgiveness, remember what Paul said: “Jesus…came…to save sinners. I’m proof – Public Sinner Number One …someone who could never have made it apart from sheer mercy…evidence of his endless patience.” Before his conversion Paul persecuted the church, killing and torturing believers. It’s how he made his living! And if he could learn to forgive himself, you can too! In fact, when you don’t you’re implying that your transgressions are beyond the scope of God’s grace to forgive and Jesus’ blood to cleanse. And that’s a bigger sin – pride! Plus, when somebody always has “issues” with other people, they may be looking for somebody to offend them; that way they can point out how bad the other person is and feel better about themselves. Pride and a judgmental attitude feed off each other the way humility feeds off forgiveness. God said, “I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake. And I will not remember your sins” (Isa 43:25 NASB). When you adopt a humble attitude and work on forgiving yourself the way God has, it’s a lot easier to overlook other people’s mistakes. Give it a try; you’ll be amazed!
